Posts in Essay
Gut Feeling

Sometimes I wondered if I’d made a mistake leaving behind my friends in the punk scene, the music that gave my life meaning. Amidst the whirl of San Francisco’s flashy bars and art openings and deejayed house parties, I wasn’t sure if there was a place for me. Maybe not anywhere…

Read More
Please Leave A Message

“Hi! This is Ed. Sorry I missed you. Please leave a message.” That’s what I finally came up with after eleven tries. Later that night, Bob called again. He was crying. He said Russ had almost died earlier that day and if I wanted to see him one last time I better get back to New York as soon as possible…

Read More
mekararuanan

My great-grandmother had been dead for years when my soul fled. I searched days for my soul, going back and forth between our old haunts, the places we hid in, cried at, crawled into. When I finally found my soul I asked, can you return?

Read More
The crack in my armor

“Who fucks who?” — The bumper sticker for horny queers and high intensity spiritual seekers alike, the crystalline crescendo of expanded consciousness pulsing through you like the mechanics of extended orgasm, the electricity of it all riding and cresting and riding to its delicious, barely tolerable heights, you can’t stand it, you stretch and screech in pleasurable agony, oh god make it stop (you don’t want it to stop), and suddenly you come, or the universe comes (who fucks who?), and you’re released, out of self and out of personhood. You’re big like the sky…

Read More